Criterion Collection Releases ‘Kindergarten Cop’ Cover Art, Is Good at Goofs | I Watch Stuff

Criterion Collection Releases ‘Kindergarten Cop’ Cover Art, Is Good at Goofs

April 2, 2012 in criterion, kindergarten cop, movie

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Generally speaking, online April Fool’s gags are pretty bad. Someone posts a goofy, unbelievable story; we read the goofy, unbelievable story; then we either say, “Oh, right, that is fake because it’s that day,” or we say, “Well, I guess putting Eddie Murphy in a Twins sequel must just be the only idea anyone on Earth has.” So let’s give some credits to the folks at Criterion Collection for yesterday coming up with an amazingly-executed, legitimately funny goof.

The Criterion Collection–the self-described “continuing series of important classic and contemporary films … dedicated to gathering the greatest films from around the world and publishing them in editions that offer the highest technical quality and award-winning, original supplements”–yesterday announced a massive, feature-loaded release of Kindergarten Cop, Ivan Reitman’s 1990 action-comedy about Arnold Schwarzenegger being a cop and also a kindergarten teacher who does not have a brain tumor. This is funny, because Kindergarten Cop was not so great of a movie! But also funny because look at all the shockingly authentic suplemental stuff Criterion put together:

Firstly, above: official cover art and an on-set photo of director Akira Kurosawa that suddenly makes Seven Samurai seem lacking in the Terminator department.

And then there’s this photo of Stanley Kubrick on set, clearly telling a classic Kubrick joke.

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And there’s this dramatic Italian poster:

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And here’s a hand-painted poster from Ghana:

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And the official synopsis (this is best):

Historically, the policier and the family comedy were two distinct categories. Then, in 1990, Kindergarten Cop gave us all a lesson in genre revisionism. With muscular sensitivity, Hollywood’s last action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies detective John Kimble, who is compelled to go undercover as a teacher of five-year-olds in order to catch a ponytailed drug dealer. Though it’s distinguished by pulse-pounding suspense, a Crayola-bright palette by cinematographer Michael Chapman (Taxi Driver), and trenchant observations about education in the Bush I era, the film’s emotional center is Schwarzenegger’s gruff yet good-tempered interaction with a class full of precocious scamps, including a tumor-forewarning death-obsessive and a genitalia expert. By leavening a children’s film with enough violence to please even the most cold-hearted bastard, director Ivan Reitman shows that he refuses to color inside the lines.

And features:

CONTINUITY-ASSISTANT-APPROVED THREE-DISC SPECIAL EDITION:

– New high-definition digital restoration of the 1990 director’s cut, presented in 5.1 surround DTS-HD Master Audio on the Blu-ray edition
– New audio commentary featuring Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, author of It – Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Can Teach Us
– Excerpts from the French television program Cinéastes de notre temps: “Ivan Reitman”
– Kindergarten Cops Today, a new hour-long documentary featuring former New York City police detectives Frank Serpico and Robert Leuci, former San Francisco police inspector Dave Toschi, and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg
– From “Fingers” to Finger-Painting, an interview with cinematographer Michael Chapman
– Archival video of Schwarzenegger’s acceptance speeches for the Favorite Movie Actor award at the 1989 and 1991 Kids’ Choice Awards
– The Kids Aren’t All Right, an analysis of all the cuts made to ensure a PG-13 rating
– More than six hundred minutes of rare behind-the-scenes and archival footage
– Seven theatrical trailers
– PLUS: A booklet featuring an essay by former police reporter and creator of The Wire David Simon and a reprint of James Agee’s original review of the film

And, finally, a video showcasing the three reasons Kindergarten Cop is such an enduring classic:

So good! What a bizarrely celebratory weekend for late-’80s/early-’90s Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy. If only it could last forever, and not include Eddie Murphy.

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